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THE SoNS OF ANCHORING

Spectacularly Failed Docking Since 2026. Because hitting the pier at 2mph is still parking.

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TOWING NOT INCLUDED • DOCKING OPTIONAL • MAYDAY IS OUR HELLO • SEND HELP BUT BRING BEER •

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WANTED: FOR SPECTACULARLY FAILED DOCKING

THE MARINA'S LEAST WANTED

We are the Sons of Anchoring, a biker-style collective for boaters who think manuals are just suggestions. We celebrate the fine art of the 30-minute anchor drag and the 'oops-I-hit-the-slip' maneuver. If your parallel parking involves an audience, a prayer, and a few minor insurance claims, you're one of us. Join the only club where a spectacular fail is a badge of honor and camaraderie is found in the chaos.

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THE CREWS

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THE SANDBAR SOCIAL

The weekly fleet shutdown where the beer is cold, the stories are tall, and the anchor-drag is legendary.

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THE MAYDAY CREW

For the heavy hitters who can't dock without an audience. Leave no one; everyone gets back to port!

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PONTOON PIRATES

The tactical division. Masters of the slow-speed pursuit and the 30-minute anchor drag.

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LOOK LIKE PART OF THE CREW

The invitation is open: rep the club and gear up for the next spectacular failure. From patched hoodies to anchor-proof hats, grab the official colors and look the part when things go sideways.

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ENLIST IN THE CHAOS

We don't let just anyone hit our piers. Submit your application, get vetted by the Vice Admiral, and prepare for bruised egos and cold beers. If you want to join the spectacular failure, this is your only shot.

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Take time for family

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OUR FOUNDERS

Meet the original crew that turned spectacular docking disasters into a community of boaters who know that if you didn't hit anything, you weren't trying hard enough.

Our story begins in the last century, shortly after the great Cuban crisis. Two men met at the David "Davey" Jones Maritime Academy where the new friends, Aaron "Buck-o" Buchko and Dan "Bilge Water" Beahan, shared a locker. Yes, a locker. 

Finding a common interest in all things fast their friendship grew through their school years. After graduating as full-fledged buccaneers they parted down their different paths, Dan into professional plundering while Aaron found his calling in the pillaging arts.

50 years after their graduation and both now retired, their paths crossed at a noisy saloon on a small island in the Dry Tortugas. Since it was dry, they sailed over the next available island with cheap rum. There they traded scuttlebutt for hours, like how they each lost an eye. For Aaron it was in a duel for a woman's honor. Sadly, she was a great shot. In Dan's case it was a well aimed harpoon thrown by an angry plunderee. (Between the two of them, however, they have pretty good vision.)

In the end they found that their days on both the high and medium seas were behind them despite their mutual love of the nautical life. Divine inspiration struck in a less sober moment when they realized they could share their stories and those of others through the wizardry of social media. Next came the idea to create a community of boaters with a shared love of the relaxation and joy to be found simply being on the water with like-minded friends, both old and new.

So join us as we celebrate our love of quiet times, anchored by sandy beaches, quiet river coves, seaside sand bars, and sun drenched tropical islands.

Welcome to the Sons of Anchoring. Enjoy your new nautical family.

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Dan "BILGE WATER" Beahan

LORD HIGH ADMIRAL

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AARON "BUCKO" BUCHKO

VICE ADMIRAL

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